Monday, September 27, 2004

Irony in Florida

Okay....let's the past few months, Florida has experienced the following:

1. The defending World Series champion Florida Marlins are official out of play-off contention.
2. The two Florida-based NFL teams are, as of this post, 0-3 (Miami Dolphins and the Tampa Bay Bucs.)
3. Four, count 'em, FOUR hurricanes IN A ROW have devastated much of the state.
4. The sport they care least about is the one in which their team wins the championship (Tampa Bay Lightning in the NHL).

All of this comes on the "heels" of Floridians buggering the last federal election and enabling Dubya the chance to blow up stuff legally, and a NEW federal election looming in a couple of months. that irony or what? I mean, not to offend those who have lost their homes and/or loved ones, but doesn't it seem like some Supreme Being is offering a kind of warning shot?


Next thing you know, the pointy bit that is Florida will break off and slide under the Atlantic. And all the old folks living there will still be in their voting booths trying desperately to figure out which "chad" to punch.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Watch Russia

Have you noticed that not one Russian citizen has been taken hostage by the whackjob diaper heads in Iraq? I think Chechnya fucked up big time. Russia, for all it's recent democratic leanings, ain't too high on human rights. They certainly won't take what happened to those school children like the Americans did. There's going to be some serious carnage in Chechnya soon.

What do you think would happen if a Russian citizen was summarily executed by Muslim terrorists? You think they would react blandly like the US government has?

By the way, the more and more I see of Islam, the less tolerant I get. Fuck multiculturalism. Take your 16 century belief system and stick it.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

The Death of Professional Hockey?

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced on Sept 15, 2004 that the league was imposing a lockout of the players association effective Thursday, Sept 16, 2004.

The league lost $224 million US last season, and has lost $1.8 billion over the last 10 years.

Will the NHL be the first major professional sports league to be wiped out? Let's face it, Major League Baseball can't be far behind. Both sports suffer from dwindling attendance, shrinking revenues, a majority of teams playing at a loss, and all around fan disgust at the current structure. Why can't these leagues, and I probably should lump the NBA in there too, take a page from the NFL? They have a salary cap arrangement, and ultimately this has proven a boon to the's called parity. In the NFL it is getting more and more difficult for the pundits to predict Superbowl contenders. It's actually fun to look at how abysmal their predictions have been over the last 4-5 years.

The other leagues need this. They need the parity-inducing structure of a salary cap...not necessarily a cap on a individual player's salary, but a team cap. For instance, the team cap could be $20 million US per year. If you want to pay one player $10 million per year, then you only have an additional $10 million for the rest of your team. Fantasy sports leagues have been doing this for years. The NFL has enforced that for what, 10 years now? And it has, overall, improved the league.

Fans can force this issue by refusing to attend games (for hockey, whenever they start back, the league and the players association WOULD get the message if the stands were empty). Unfortunately, sports fans aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, especially hockey fans, and they will pour back in all their idolating glory once their "heroes" return to the ice. Not me though. Unless there's a cap, I won't even watch a game on TV. I stopped watching baseball, and I will stop watching hockey.

On the topic of watching sports: I work in an area with rabid hockey fans...and none of them spoke of the World Cup games. In fact, few of us, if any, watched more than a period or two. I wonder what the ratings were?

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Affirmative Action and Asshole-Sucking Mummies

I mentioned Fred (from Fred on Everything) in an earlier blog. His latest article has some fantastic quotes. In answering a call for him to offer a solutions to various worldly problems rather than just bitching about them, he writes:

Affirmative action. I see two approaches, each being as brilliant as the other, or perhaps more so. The first is to require the entire population to submit to a test, the only question on which will be, “Are you a member of a group suffering discrimination or oppression?” If the answer is “yes,” they go to Leavenworth for two years, after which they will be retested to see whether they have learned anything.

This is fantastic!

He also tackles AIDs:

AIDS. Stop worrying about it. It is a voluntary disease acquired by doing things that we all know about and anyone can avoid. Homosexuals don’t have to be promiscuous any more than anyone else. HIV is a choice, like riding a motorcycle. If you want to do it, fine. If you fall off, don’t tell me about it.

His second idea to fix all of these problems is: suggest that people grow up, and try to stop being pathetic psychics cripples who squall like two-year-olds if they hear anything they don’t like. Society isn’t, or shouldn’t be anyway, a diapering service.

Fred is like this breath of fresh-air once a week. A dying breed, him. Forcing people to think and do for themselves is not popular. Allowing people to succeed or fail on their own merits is akin to tyranny.

Go see the movie Bubba Ho-tep. Bear with me, there's some relevance here! It's a strange comedy with Bruce Campbell (from Evil Dead etc) playing Elvis. In it, an Egyptian mummy wanders through a nursing home sucking the life force/souls out of dying old folks. It seems the mummy needs an orifice out of which to suck the it uses assholes. This is an apt description of society....parasites sucking the life force out from the assholes of those who choose to live. Parasites being the perpetual whiners screaming that they are being downtrodden...and those they feast upon are the ones who work hard and try to live on their own merits.