Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Affirmative Action and Asshole-Sucking Mummies

I mentioned Fred (from Fred on Everything) in an earlier blog. His latest article has some fantastic quotes. In answering a call for him to offer a solutions to various worldly problems rather than just bitching about them, he writes:

Affirmative action. I see two approaches, each being as brilliant as the other, or perhaps more so. The first is to require the entire population to submit to a test, the only question on which will be, “Are you a member of a group suffering discrimination or oppression?” If the answer is “yes,” they go to Leavenworth for two years, after which they will be retested to see whether they have learned anything.

This is fantastic!

He also tackles AIDs:

AIDS. Stop worrying about it. It is a voluntary disease acquired by doing things that we all know about and anyone can avoid. Homosexuals don’t have to be promiscuous any more than anyone else. HIV is a choice, like riding a motorcycle. If you want to do it, fine. If you fall off, don’t tell me about it.

His second idea to fix all of these problems is:

...to suggest that people grow up, and try to stop being pathetic psychics cripples who squall like two-year-olds if they hear anything they don’t like. Society isn’t, or shouldn’t be anyway, a diapering service.

Fred is like this breath of fresh-air once a week. A dying breed, him. Forcing people to think and do for themselves is not popular. Allowing people to succeed or fail on their own merits is akin to tyranny.

Go see the movie Bubba Ho-tep. Bear with me, there's some relevance here! It's a strange comedy with Bruce Campbell (from Evil Dead etc) playing Elvis. In it, an Egyptian mummy wanders through a nursing home sucking the life force/souls out of dying old folks. It seems the mummy needs an orifice out of which to suck the souls...so it uses assholes. This is an apt description of society....parasites sucking the life force out from the assholes of those who choose to live. Parasites being the perpetual whiners screaming that they are being downtrodden...and those they feast upon are the ones who work hard and try to live on their own merits.