Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Whites only need apply?

Lashawn Barber has a wonderful article on the odiousness that is Affirmative Action. The liberal hand-wringers have foisted this mess on society without a thought for the total hypocrisy of it all.

Anytime you make allowances for another person, you do so because of a perceived deficiency in that person. Affirmative Action is simply about making allowances for deficiencies in people based on their skin colour. Oh, lip service is paid to the "poor environment" in which these people have been supposedly been forced to live, but it really comes down to the lowest common denominator: colour. As proof, when have you ever heard/seen an Affirmative Action program for poor, white trailer trash? Ms. Barber asks:

If “whites only” scholarships, policies, and programs are obviously wrong, why are “blacks only” scholarships, policies, and programs not wrong? What’s difference between the races justifies lowering standards for one and discriminating against the other?

As a Canadian...an outsider looking into American society with relative objectivity, I find Fred of Fred On Everything to have a clearer concept of what ails the US than any other writer.

In his article entitled Cultural Psychiatry Fred writes:

Further, the ghetto rules everywhere, seeps in, or threatens. Americans are not social climbers, but social descenders, rappelling deliberately into the grubby depths. On the radio one hears regularly such lyrical confections as “Muthahfucka, muthafucka, she a ho, shit.” Ah, but the chief rule of discourse today is that one must never offend the offensive. You must never suggest that they straighten up and mind their manners, mouth, grammar, and work ethic.

That's it right there. In a nutshell. Michael Richards tees off on some black hecklers and uses racial epitaphs and has to apologise profusely for it. Dr. Kamau Kambon, an ex-professor of African Studies at North Carolina State University (wow, a degree in that will certainly get you a wonderful job in the ditch digging or food services industries), called for the extermination of white people! But for the most part the press made "allowances" for the attitude of Kambon, and one can only assume it's because he is black.

But Affirmative Action has also impacted the earliest grades of school, not just the workforce and universities. Schools in the States have been dumbed down, part of the "No one Left Behind" program. In another article, Eighth Grade in Mexico, Fred writes about his girlfriend's daughter in Mexico, and how advanced their 8th grade program is there (in a land upon which regular Americans look down their noses). He contrasts that with the poor state of American schools:

The girls came home with misspelled handouts from affirmative-action science teachers, and they learned about Harriet Tubman and oppression. Of the sciences they learned very little. I knew bright kids who had trouble with the multiplication tables. Yes, there are schools and schools, some better than others, and advanced-placement and such. I do not suggest that Mexico has a great school system, because it doesn’t. Yet Natalia, in her particular school, is better off than she would be in Washington, heaven knows, or the Virginia suburbs. Ain’t that something?

Settings standards to the lowest common denominator and making allowances for a perceived deficiency in others is quite possibly the worst form of racism.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Minimum Wage for Inmates?

The Correctional Investigator of Canada, Howard Sapers, has tabled a report calling for a wage increase for inmates of Canadian prisons to minimum wage (from $6.70 in New Brunswick to a high of $8.50 in Nunavut) from the current $6.90 a day. This is the same ex-Liberal MLA who back in October stated that:

"The experience of Canadian aboriginal peoples and the justice system has been described as Canada's national disgrace. Alarmingly, this huge over-representation has grown in recent years."

In his report, he mentions that the number of aboriginals in prison climbed 22% between 1996 and 2004, while the general population dropped 12%. Aboriginals now account for 18.5% of federal inmates, but only 2.7% of the Canadian population. He called on the federal government to adopt more culturally sensitive programs and practices, including increasing the number serving time in minimum security prisons instead of maximum- or medium-security facilities.

In typical knee-jerk liberal fashion he totally overlooks the severity of the crimes committed that seemed to have warranted a medium to maximum facility. Beverley Jacobs, the president of the Native Women's Association of Canada, blamed aboriginal over-representation on poverty, poor education, unemployment, dismal living conditions, alcoholism and violence in aboriginal communities. Okay, but that still doesn't mean a lighter sentence for committing a crime.

Now Sapers wants to increase the inmates' pay because many "inmates have to pay out of their own pocket for additional treats [beyond the three meals a day and free medical and education] such as cigarettes, booze, and chocolate"! Oh, poor babies. Next they will be expected to stay in a small cell-like room with bars on the windows.

The Prisoners' Rights Committee (PRC) supported his statements ('natch). This is the organization that spewed out of the early 1970s Ligues des droits et libertés in Quebec and got inmates the right to vote. Isn't that special.

Frankly, prisoners should do extremely hard time, with hard labour and little, to no, "leisure" time. Less emphasis should be placed on rehabilitation and preparing them for release back into society, and more scaring the shit out of them. They should be so frightened of prison life, so beaten down, that they would be too afraid to commit another crime.

If a major portion of the prison population come from backgrounds of abject poverty, then what, under the current system, is the real deterrent? Why not commit a crime that nets you better food and accommodations than you currently enjoy? Hell, if they raise inmates' salaries to minimum wage even better. This would mean a substantial increase in a living standard, and at a much quicker rate than they would normally experience in the outside world.

This is the kind of liberal, left-leaning sensibilities that swiftly gets a country into fiscal problems.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Internet Explorer 7 - they're kidding, right? IE7 Sucks!

Just downloaded and installed Microsoft's IE 7.0. In typical MS fashion, they decided that they had to rearrange things to "make it better", which of course it doesn't (take a look at the abortion that is Outlook 2003 if you want to see proof of that).

This is what IE used to look like:

Note the Menu bar nicely situated at the top of the screen, like 99.9% of all Windows -based applications. I could also, if I wanted to, unlock the Toolbars and move them around (Address Bar on top, etc.).

Recently, MS released IE 7.0 (ostensibly to compete with Firefox) and this is how it looks:

Hmmm. Where's the Menu Bar? Dunno. Oh, it's hidden (why? Again, I dunno). Notice that the Back and Forward buttons are at the top left...but all the other icons (like Home, Print, Refresh) are at the bottom right. How efficient is that? Rhetorical question: it isn't efficient at all. And, NO, I can't Unlock Toolbars and move everything around. What kind of qualification do they need to be programmers at MS? Just from a usability standpoint, they have screwed up. I uninstalled it almost immediately and thus cannot discuss performance, but from a GUI (Graphical User Interface) or Human Element perspective, they have royally screwed up.

Here is what Firefox 2.0 looks like (well, MY version, since it is totally customizable):

Clean, concise, buttons were I want 'em. How people can still use crap like IE, I have no idea.

IE 7 sucks.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


Big article in the Sun this week on the war in Afghanistan. Reporters in several Canadian cities,including Ottawa, alternately wore pro- and anti-war-in-Afghanistan signs to gauge public reaction. Most of the "experiments" were done in the downtown cores of these cities, which in itself is usually NOT indicative of the general population. Picture left-wing types in their hemp decorated communal housing projects, and you will get the idea. From that, you should be able to determine the reactions these experiments received.

However, the issue is many Canadians have no clue what Afghanistan is all about. These people would have protested Canadian action in Rwanda had we the foresight to prevent the near genocide that occurred there. Women in Afghanistan were treated more like chattel then human beings...they were essentially "owned" by men. Of course, the Canadian women (and men too, but women should have a certain concern for the plight of these victims, you would think) who are against our continued presence in the region think little beyond what fair trade coffee shop they will patronize that afternoon.

Frankly, I have gotten to the point that I believe democracy is a bust and a la Starship Troopers (the book, by Robert A. Heinlein, not the movie) only people who have sacrificed for their country can hold political office and/or vote. Quoting Wikipedia:

The overall theme of the book is that social responsibility requires individual sacrifice. Heinlein's Terran Federation is a limited democracy with aspects of a meritocracy based on willingness to sacrifice in the common interest. Suffrage belongs only to those willing to serve their society by two years of volunteer Federal Service (there is no draft before the Bug War) -- "the franchise is today limited to discharged veterans," (ch. XII), instead of anyone ("...who is 18 years old and has a body temperature near 37 °C.". There is an explicitly made contrast to the democracies of the 20th century, which according to the novel were flawed (and collapsed) because "people had been led to believe that they could simply vote for whatever they wanted . . . and get it, without toil, without sweat, without tears." Indeed, Dubois, one of Rico's teachers, criticizes as unrealistic the famous passage of the U.S. Declaration of Independence about "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

There is a brilliant quote from the main character in the book, Rico:

Correct morals arise from knowing what man is—not what do-gooders and well-meaning old Aunt Nellies would like him to be.

That, in a nutshell, describes the anti-war protesters. Do-gooders who have no clue about the realities of the world...whether that is the world at large, or their own personal bubble of stupidity that encases them.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Vista be damned...Linux is looking better 'n better

While I am a proponent of the capitalist system insofar as I believe if I produce/develop/create something I should be able to charge what I want, I also think Microsoft has lost its marbles. Vista looks to be the most bloated OS yet, with more bells and whistles than an average user will EVER need, all at a price no one should pay.

Most users use a PC to surf the net, do some word processing, and perhaps organize their digital photos. Buying Vista is like buying a Hummer to drive the kids a block to school...oh wait...

While I have never directly used Linux, I have played with it. Once installed, the aforementioned average user will see little to no difference in their computing experience (except a lack of trojans, viruses, and worms (oh my...sorry...Wizard of Oz reference). So why would an average user buy Vista? I know I probably won't.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Decline of the Holy American empire

Brilliant post at FredOnEverything..

In it, he opines:

Further, the ghetto rules everywhere, seeps in, or threatens. Americans are not social climbers, but social descenders, rappelling deliberately into the grubby depths. On the radio one hears regularly such lyrical confections as “Muthahfucka, muthafucka, she a ho, shit.” Ah, but the chief rule of discourse today is that one must never offend the offensive. You must never suggest that they straighten up and mind their manners, mouth, grammar, and work ethic.

Everytime I turn on the TV, I see this "culture" glorified and pushed and spotlighted in the news and on television shows. Talking heads and politicos tell us we have to be "tolerant"...when what they mean is the civilized among us have to be tolerant of those of us who aren't civilized. We have to lower our expectations of humanity so we aren't shocked and insulted by have grunting stupidity thrust into our faces.

The end of the US is coming folks, and it won't be pretty.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

American Luftwaffe

Once again, Canadians have been killed/injured by some retarded American pilots.

In his book Battle: The Story of the Bulge John Toland wrote:

At 3:26 P.M. [23.December.1944] six B-26s of the 322nd Bombardment Group approached a town nestled in hilly forested country. The flight leader...[e]ven on this clear day...hadn't been able to locate his primary target, Zulpich, Germany, a railhead for Brandenberger's Seventh Army, but he concluded he was over Lammersum, only six miles northeast of the target. As his plane swept over the center of town, thirteen 250-pound General Purpose bombs dropped from the bomb bay. The other five planes of the flight dumped their loads.
Twelve thousand feet below, dazed American soldiers of the 30th Division and hysterical civilians were crawling from the wreckage of Malmédy, Belgium--39 miles away from Lammersum.
Moments later General Hobbs, commander of the 30th Division, was angrily talking by phone to an air force general. Hobbs was bitter. It wasn't the first time he'd been bombed by the 9th Air Force. His men had already dubbed it "the American Luftwaffe".

The air force general was dismayed. "It can't happen again," he promised.

While the incident mentioned above involved bombers, the concept is the same: American pilots are idiots. This has happened so often that maybe the US should rethink the whole "flying" thing. Obviously they can't do it worth shit.

Here's a hint for other would-be American military pilots: the guys without the rags on their heads...those are on your side...for now. Idiots.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Never violate a woman, nor harm a child. Do not lie, cheat or steal.
These things are for lesser men.
Protect the weak against the evil strong.
And never allow thoughts of gain to lead you into the pursuit of evil.
Never back away from an enemy. Either fight or surrender.
It is not enough to say I will not be evil. Evil must be fought wherever it is found."

---The "Iron Code" of Druss

These are the words as written by my favorite author: David Gemmell. On July 28, 2006 he died of coronary artery disease.

For those who have never read anything by Mr. Gemmell, I suggest you start with Legend.

And re-read the code above, and ask yourself where Druss would find himself in the war between Hezbollah and Israel. I wonder.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


50,000 Canadians are in Lebanon and DEMANDING to be extricated from the situation in which they VOLUNTARILY put themselves and their children. I guarantee that most of the adults, if not all, are life long Liberal voters. You know, the Liberals, who singlehandedly decimated the Canadian Military to the point that we don't even have Navy ships capable of evacuating a hundred people let alone 50,000.

When a ship finally arrived in Beirut, the idiots there realized that only a couple of thousand could be evacuated at the same time. They were "upset" at the "treatment".

Caroline Norah, from Montreal, said Canada provided the worst service to its nationals of any country. The vessel was sweltering, with many people on board vomiting. People were forced to sleep on the floor and no water was provided. There didn't appear to be any medical personnel on board. Several people compared their treatment to that of animals.

A woman wheeling her baby away from the boat in a stroller cried: "C'est l'enfer (It was Hell)." (from the article: First boatload of Canadian evacuees from Lebanon arrives in Cyprus

Now, I don't want to sound callous, but the "Living Hell" was probably better than sitting in a basement with artillary shells dropping all around you. I mean, I have no firsthand experience, but I would think that the threat of being blown up is a little worse than experiencing discomfort while being rescued at TAXPAYERS' EXPENSE, I might add.

I hope this government charges these morons for the cost of the evacuation.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


There's a lot of irony going around these days....

Indonesia, a country filled with Muslims who have burned the American flag, protested, and threw rocks and other sundry items at anything American over the past few years is now begging, hands out, for American aid (well, world aid, I suppose). If Bush had any balls, he would tell them to ask for money from Saudi Arabia and the rest of the Muslim world.

Stephen Harper wins a minority gov't and the left-leaning Parliamentary press gets their little knives ready...only to be told by Harper that he would ignore them completely. The pundits starting whining and complaining at the same time as support for Harper across Canada jumps through the roof.

Heh. Life, you gotta love it.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Health Care in Canada is sick and dying

If you are an American who, for some reason, thinks that government-funded health care is the way to go, just look at Canada. As a Canadian, I, on one hand, appreciate the "free" access to health care. The US model is ridiculously expensive. On the other hand, I hate the fact that I have to wait in line all the time for even the most basic health care.

I pay more taxes than most, ergo, I should get better health care. That's simple. I should also be able to pay for even better health care out of my pocket (either through direct billing or through insurance). That's simple too.

Now, in typically American fashion, getting health care in the US is over-priced and ultimately about as stressful as whatever ailment required the health care to begin with! There has to be a happy medium. In an affluent society, everyone should be able to get affordable health care. However, people who can afford it should be able to get more timely health care. This is part of the privilege of being successful...oh, wait. Being successful is a bad thing in Canada. I forgot.

Perhaps a solution would be to have people OPT OUT of public health care altogether or perhaps some sort of percentage plan. That is, the government would only cover 50% of your health care costs. By opting into this, you would get a reduced tax rate. Good idea? I think so.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

You're kidding, right?

This is a blog post aboout the NHL. Hockey. So, if you aren't interested, I'm giving you fair warning.

The Toronto Maple Leafs (sic) have lost two in a row to the Montreal Canadians as both are fighting for a playoff spot. The combined score was 11-3. All year long I have been saying that the Leafs have neither the talent nor the depth to even make the playoffs let alone do anything significant towards winning a Cup.

During the off season, the Leafs made a few, what were called, "high profile" free agent signings. Guys like Jason Allison (who hadn't played in years due to injuries), Jeff O'Neil (who Carolina couldn't wait to dump), and Eric Lindros (who was and still is damaged goods). The Toronto-centric media was all over these signings. But the worst spate of journalistic bias came with the signing of Mariusz Czerkawski. In September 2005, Lance Hornby of the Toronto Sun wrote:

Reputedly, Mariusz Czerkawski can do back flips after he scores.

If the new Maple Leafs right winger can hit in the 30 to 40-goal range this season, perhaps as Mats Sundin's linemate, it will be Toronto's hockey office doing the cartwheels. Czerkawski officially came aboard yesterday, signing a one-year deal believed to be worth around $500,000 US.

Um. Okay. Based on what is this guy going to score 30-40 goals? Here are his career stats:

Year Team GP G A Pts +/-
2005-06 BOS 8 1 1 2 -4
2005-06 TOR 19 4 1 5 -2
2003-04 NYI 81 25 24 49 +8
2002-03 MTL 43 5 9 14 -7
2001-02 NYI 82 22 29 51 -8
2000-01 NYI 82 30 32 62 -25
1999-00 NYI 79 35 35 70 -16
1998-99 NYI 78 21 17 38 -10
1997-98 NYI 68 12 13 25 +11
1996-97 EDM 76 26 21 47 0
1995-96 EDM 37 12 17 29 +7
1995-96 BOS 33 5 6 11 -11
1994-95 BOS 47 12 14 26 +4

His best year was 2000-01 in which he scored 35 goals! Where does Hornby think this guy is going to get 30-40. As a side note, if you look at the stats, he only had 5 pts and only played in 19 games. Good acquisition.

The worst part of all of this are the idiot fans of the Leafs. You can be a fan, like my sister-in-law, and still be realistic. She cheers for them, but has absolutely no hope. She KNOWS this team is filled with talentless stiffs.

But guys like this, who commented on a recent Toronto Star forum:

...Also why didn't the leafs try to pull off a trade for a goalie before the deadline. Considering the number of games remaining I can't fathom why these moves were not made and the blame has to be put squarely on the shoulders of Ferguson Jr. and Quinn. I can't understand how they play so well against Carolina and stink the joint out at the Bell Centre.
Milt Kenigsberg, North York

Poor Milt. He totally has no clue. They didn't pull off a trade for a goalie because they COULDN'T. What could they have given up for a goalie? What team would want ANY of the stiffs they had to offer? Also, they had NO ROOM under the salary cap to make such a deal if it didn't involve at least one of their overpaid players.

This kind of attitude from both the fans and the Toronto-centric media is what turns off the rest of us. I hate the Leafs, not because of the team per se, but because of the idiots on the fringes. I can't wait for the playoffs to start sans Leafs.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Cartoon Jihad redux and South Park and AA...

This is so ironic. Catholics are upset at an episode of South Park. I wonder if they will burn buildings and riot and kill people and stuff....?

Now, the episode in question has a statue of the Virgin Mary bleeding from what appears to be her ass. Eventually, the Pope appears (yup, SP is so topical, it's the latest Pope) and announces that the statue is mensturating and that there's no miracle for a women to be doing that... Now, this wasn't the main story. Stan's dad gets arrested for drunk driving and while attending an AA meeting is told he has a "disease". He is a hypochondriac, and begins to act like he's dying. Stan has had enough and confronts the AA members:

Stan: Uh look, my dad was here yesterday and you all kinda messed him up by telling him he had a disease.
AA Member: Alcoholism is a disease.
Stan: No it, it's not... and you can't just go around saying stuff like that to people like my dad. He's kinda like a hypochondriac.

Stan goes on to reiterate that alcoholism isn't a disease...that "Cancer is a disease. My Dad just has to drink less."

Now, that's funny.

The 12 Steps program of AA is..um...odd:

1. We admitted we were powerless over
alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater
than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our
lives over to the care of God as we understood
4. Made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to
another human being the exact nature of our
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove
all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed,
and became willing to make amends to them
9. Made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory
and when we were wrong promptly admitted
11. Sought through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God, as
we understood Him, praying only for knowledge
of His will for us and the power to carry
that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these steps, we tried to carry this
message to alcoholics, and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.

So, essentially, if you are an alcoholic atheist, you're shit out of luck.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Olympic games

Okay...on Saturday Feb 11th, 2006, at about 9:00 am EST, I was already sick of the Olympics. Hey...that's a new record...and a personal best!

Never liked the Olympics (especially the European bias...they drop Baseball but bring in some sport only played by a handful of European countries and Somalia...asswipes), and hate the coverage even more. Though at least watching it on the CBC as opposed to whichever US media outlet is covering it this year, you get to see that there are other countries in the Olympics.

But CBC's coverage is annoying...here's my text-based imitation of CBC Olympic coverage...

"Wow...Jennifer Heil has won a Gold Medal for Canada in the women's moguls. Let's watch the replay and analyse ever nuance of her performance!"

....several minutes later.....

"Oh, Canada was favoured in this speed skating event, but Cyndi Klassen won a bronze. Good for her...she did a personal best....! Hey, let's watch Jennifer Heil's Gold medal performance!"

...several minutes later...

"Canadians came in [insert some number way after 6th place] in the [insert some inane "event" like the biathalon]. Wow, that was [some no-name]'s personal best! Let's see Jennifer Heil's Gold medal performance once again!"


Monday, February 06, 2006

Islam has got to go...

If there is any evidence that Islam is too archaic for the 21st Century, one need not look any further than the absurd reactions to a few stupid caricatures that were originally published in a Danish newspaper. Here there are:

Now, if someone posted images, similar in nature, with Christ as the central figure, there MIGHT be protests, but certainly not this bullshit that is going on.

Regardless of the people who excuse Islam and claim it is a religion of peace, Islam in its current form is the most immediate threat to world stability since communistic dictatorships (and George Bush). It either has to go through some fundamental shift in ideology (unlikely) or it has to be decimated to the point of near extinction.

As a Canadian, we are told, time after time, to be tolerant. Fuck that. I don't like this religion (I really don't like ANY religion, but this one is absurd...um...Adam and Eve were 600 feet tall? Really? Uhuh. Islam makes Scientology sound plausible). I don't want my children exposed to its 15th Century beliefs. Go away.

Let's face it, if you have a pack of rabid dogs, you don't coddle them and make excuses, you exterminate them. Islam needs to be dismantled. Period.

Friday, February 03, 2006

American Idol and a form of child abuse

Would it be considered a form of child abuse to knowingly expose your child to ridicule and humiliation?

I caught, totally by accident I assure you, the tail end of this week's American Idol auditions. They were in Austin, Texas (warning flags should have been ringing there!).

One of the last people to audition was this...um...overweight girl (though, given the American propensity for obesity, she might actually be considered thin) about 17 who was wearing a pair of godawfully bright pink pants so tight I'm not sure she could breathe. As she was going into the audition room, she said something to the effect that Simon would "love" her.

Problem was, she couldn't sing. Not a note. Terrible. I could do better and I suck. She left the room almost in tears saying that the judges had "...made a mistake, a terrible mistake...". Um...no...they didn't, sweetheart.

When she left the room she tried to slam the door (I think it hit her butt or thighs) and she started to cry. Now...her MOTHER was there to console her.

Unless her mother and everyone of legal guardian-status age in her life is tone deaf and/or so freakin' inbred that they are incapable of identifying "suckitude" when they hear it (and, in the case of her clothing, SEE it), then they let her go audition on an international stage knowing she would be humiliated. That's some mighty good parenting there, isn't it?

I her think parents should be charged, fined, or both.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Conservatives WIN!

Now it starts...

The Conservatives win 124 seats to form a minority government. The wanks are coming out of the woodwork now...

Toronto is all in a tizzy because the whole metro region voted Liberal, and they are worried that the federal government, under the Tories, will "forget them". I hope so! Fuck 'em. Atlantic Canada too...you want to vote for the most corrupt party in Canadian political history, you deserve to get fuck all.

"Oh, but the Conservatives are scary" For crissakes...this is Canada, not the US. Shit won't be raining down like a sermon from the mount...get real. Harper isn't Bush, and nor are the Conservatives the inner circle of the White House (Rumsfeld, et al).

If the Liberals could do all those things and still have someone's vote...what could the Liberals do to lose those votes? I mean, really...what?

Monday, January 16, 2006

Exciting announcement - Lost Twilight Zone episode

Scene opens: Corel Centre - press room.

Officious Announcer Type Voice: "Please welcome Scotiabank chief executive officer Rick Waugh who has an important announcement to make!"

...Excited clapping from the media types and executives from the NHL's Ottawa Senators, as well as assorted Marketing people. Cameras clicking. Eager reporters thrusting microphones forward to catch every syllable of this important announcement...

Rick Waugh:
"Today, Scotiabank enters into a bold, new, and exciting partnership with the Ottawa Senators! Scotiabank has had a presence in the Ottawa area for more than a century and we're very committed to this community. Scotiabank Place will continue to be the home of an exceptional hockey club, while also providing a full range of exciting entertainment options for people who live in and visit this vibrant

...Pause. Blank stares from the media types. Nervous grins from the Senators' Executives. Wild clapping and vacuous grins from the Marketing people. Roy Mlakar, Senators president and chief executive officer approaches the microphone...

Roy Mlakar:
"As we opened the Palladium, which soon became the Corel Centre, 10 years ago this month, we gave the National Capital Region one of the finest world-class venues in North America, setting a standard for sport and entertainment facilities around the world. As the first financial institution to lend its name to a major venue in Canada, Scotiabank continues to show itself as a leader in business and a leader in community outreach programs."

...Even blanker media stares. Someone coughs. Clapping from the Marketing people. Other Senators executives are staring at their feet and shuffling nervously...

Finally, one the media types finds his voice:
"Er. Scotiabank Place? Scotiabank Place? That's the best you could come up with?"

...Barb Mason, Scotiabank executive vice-president, marketing rushes to the podium...

Barb Mason:
"Today's announcement is part of our ongoing partnership with the Ottawa Senators that extends beyond the ice. In the coming weeks, we will be launching the Scotiabank Senators Savings Club for youth at our Scotiabank branches, encouraging youth under the age of 19 to learn the benefits of managing money. We are partners with the Scotiabank Read to Succeed primary-school literacy program and Roger's House -- a pediatric palliative-care facility that is set to open early in 2006. We supported the Walk, Roll & Run for Roger event in September that saw Team Scotiabank raise $25,000 for the cause. Scotiabank is also a key sponsor of the Ernst and Young Ice and Dice fundraiser, featuring Senators players and coaches. This event will benefit the Gatineau Hospital Foundation and Ottawa Senators Foundation."

Media Type:

"I don't give a rat's ass what kind of charitable works you will be doing in conjunction with the Ottawa Senators. That's all well and good. But what dipshit came up with such an incredibly fucking dull name like "Scotiabank Place"? I mean, fer shitsakes...SCOTIABANK PLACE!?! My two year old could come up with a better name than that!"

...Laughter and nods of agreement from the media types. Uncomfortable looks from the executives from the Senators and Scotiabank. Blank, vacuous smiles from the marketing people...

Rod Serling's voice:
"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call "The Twilight Zone"

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Missing Person report

It's funny how, sometimes, you think of someone whom you haven't thought about in a long time.

I found myself humming a tune called "I Can Only Hear the Rhythm" by Andrea De Valois. It's on the Just Write soundtrack. Just Write starred Sherilyn Fenn and Jeremy Piven. Not a bad flick. Andrea's song played during the closing credits. It's a great pop tune which surprisingly got little airplay.

Anyways, I used to work with Andrea at a now defunct Ottawa-based company called Eftia. I bought both of her independently-produced CDs: Syren Songs and Hush.

She used to have a webpage at www.andredevalois.com. Now, nothing. Every mention of her online is from, at the most recent, 2001. Too bad. She had a wonderful voice and was smoking hot to boot (well, I thought so anyways...am partial to red heads).

If anyone out there knows what happened to her, let me know.