Adventures with Jeff

A few years ago, a buddy of mine, Jeff, and I went to Alexandria Bay for the July 4th celebration. After checking into our motel, we headed out to the docks to eat at this great restaurant we knew about and where we could catch a boat to take us out into the bay for the fireworks that evening. On the way there, we saw a souped up AMC Gremlin: racing car green, tinted windows, mag tires, wicked sounding engine...all on a Gremlin. I started to laugh as the car passed us going in the opposite direction, and it stopped. The driver got out, as well as three passengers. They were huge. The driver approached me. I could hear my friend whisper “You idiot…”, then the driver looked at me and asked, “What’s so funny?”. I thought for a second and figured, in for a penny, in for a pound. So, I swallowed that little voice inside of me that was saying be careful, and replied, “Um, dude. You souped up a Gremlin.” Then waited. Incredibly, his friends started to laugh and one said to him, “Told you, man. It’s a Gremlin!”

The driver looked pleadingly towards me and pointing to his car, said “Yeah, but look man, it’s in great condition! I mean, I redid the interior, brand new engine. I just couldn’t afford a better car! C’mon man, look at it!” I can remember hearing Jeff whisper “You lucky bastard!” Turned out that his friends had been busting his chops over his choice of wheels, like guys do. We ended up hanging around them the whole weekend. Great bunch of guys.

I think Jeff spent a lot of his time with me shaking his head and looking for the quickest route to the exit. There was this one time we had gone to see Cobra with Sylvester Stallone. Before the previews, we could hear a woman directly behind us nattering away incessantly. This continued throughout the previews, and when the movie started she laughed and said, dismissively “Oh, is this the guy that saved us from the communists in Rambo?”. At that, I had had enough, turned around and said “If you don’t want to watch the movie, you can always leave. At least shut up so we can hear it.” I have learned it pays to scout out the “enemy” before engaging. The guy she was with looked like a football player. I think his biceps were bigger than my legs. He didn’t say anything, and I turned back around and watched the whole movie thinking he was going to punch the back of my head. Jeff leaned over and whispered, “You’re on your own, dude.” I guess he had had enough of me putting him into possible situations in which we get our asses kicked.

So, with the movie over and the house lights up, I stood, turned, and looked at the guy as he was getting out of his seat. His date was already up and walking away in a huff. The guy gave me a small smile and a thumb’s up and he said, in a quiet voice “God, I thought she would never shut up. Thanks, man. Worst blind date ever.”

Jeff always thought I was going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get us into trouble.