Thursday, August 19, 2004

What if they held an Olympics and nobody cared?

The current buzz phrase, in the famous words of countless comedians whilst bombing on stage: "Um...is this on?"

The Olympic organizers are quite surprised that no one is shelling out 500 Euros for the right to sit and watch a woman's preliminary synchronized diving event. I mean, come on people, this is quality entertainment here.

Seriously. When the fuck did "synchronized diving" become an Olympic sport? The IOC is off it's rocker! In 1995, the IOC officially added bridge to the Olympic Movement, granting the World Bridge Federation status as a recognized sports organization according to various, and obviously quite fucked up, Olympic charter rules. In fact, bridge shares a similar status with golf, rugby and squash as recognized sports which are not yet permitted to compete in the Olympics. Bridge = golf = rugby = squash? What the...?

What's next? Darts? Have you ever watched professional darts? Can you imagine a fat Brit drinking lukewarm beer between throws as a symbol of Olympian athletisism?

As far as I can tell, Canada isn't even in these Olympics. I mean, we sent people, but they aren't there to win shit, just do their "personal bests". Oooo...ataway to raise that bar, reach for the brass ring, and exceed expectations. And then the apologists back home: "Oh, that's all we can expect, the poor dears. The government doesn't give them enough money for training." Um, okay, so how much money do those poor bastards from Kenya get...you know the ones that dominate the long distance running events?

Fuck, send me four years from now...I could represent Canada in, I dunno, some lame ass sport like sychronized diving. I wouldn't win shit, but I guarantee I would beat my "personal best". Hell, the gov't wouldn't have to shell out a dime for my "training". Just pay for my way there. Good deal. Same result for Canada, at a lot less money. Yee haa.