Thursday, September 27, 2007

Global Warming Stupidity

Just read an interesting post on the Dilbert Blog on cognitive dissonance. In it, he mentions an interview Bill Maher did with Danish economist Bjorn Lomborg who has written a book called "Cool It". In typical bonehead fashion, Maher and his guests (Salman Rushdie, Rob Thomas (!?!?), and Jeanine Garofalo cut apart Lomborg's statements after Maher interviews him via satellite.

Maher starts off by baiting the author:
However…scientists, almost down the line, condemned your first book. And I noticed that on the blurbs on the back of your book, you don’t – you have two authors, an editor and an economics professor. If the scientists are not saying you’re cool, why should we believe anything you say about this?

Lomborg responds with:
Well, you should not believe what I say. You should believe what I’m actually quoting, namely, the U.N. Climate Panel. When we look at all these things that we’re talking about; for instance, climate change is real; it’s happening; and I’m trying to take us away from that very unproductive dichotomy of saying “It’s a hoax”/ “No, it’s a catastrophe.” It’s neither. It’s a problem.

And let me give you just one example. When we look, for instance, at temperatures rising, it means we’re going to see more heat deaths. That’s absolutely true, and everybody points that out. But, of course, with increasing temperatures, we’re also going to see fewer cold deaths, and we need to know both.

For instance, for Britain, it’s actually estimated that we’re going to see 2,000 more heat deaths in 2050. But 20,000 fewer cold deaths. It seems to me that we’re not going to make good judgments unless we know both things.


Take a look at the transcript, and you will see what I mean. Lomborg offers reasoned points, and Maher and company basically "pretend" to not understand...or they are really that stupid. You decide.

Essentially, Lomborg says "Yes, Global Warming is a problem, but it won't be the catastrophe everyone says. We need to do something about the problem, but at what cost?"

For example, if I could spend a 10th of the money being spent to combat global warming on anti-malaria programs I could save thousands of more lives. Lomborg says we should spend money on research and development of alternative fuel sources. Right now, the rich can afford the extremely expensive solar paneling and hybrid cars, but the poor can't. People in China and India can't. Those people (i.e. the large bulk of the world population) have to be given something they can use as an alternative before we can affect change, otherwise we are trying to empty a lake by using a thimble.

Global Warming is simply the Cause célèbre. The rich and famous will spout off about it, do documentaries on it, perform charity benefit concerts to "raise awareness" about it, and then the whole fad will fade away when the fickle stars move onto the next cause. I mean, Ethiopians are still starving, Africans are still dying of Aids, but those aren't "in" right now. Global Warming is "hot", to paraphrase Paris Hilton.

In any event, Bill Maher and friends need to be rudely awakened.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Snakes in a mouth

Okay...quick...how many beers would you have to drink before you could put a rattlesnake head first into your mouth? 100...200?

Some guy in Oregon, admittedly a little tipsy on a 6-pack of American beer (which is, what, the equivalent of 2 Canadian beers in alcoholic content?), stuffed his pet rattlesnake into his mouth to amuse his friends....

There are two things wrong with the above sentence...one is putting a rattlesnake into your mouth...another is to have a pet rattlesnake to begin with!

He comments on his near death experience:
“It's actually kind of my own stupid fault,”

Er..."kind of"? Really? Just kind of?

I think this would have been better if this numbnuts ended up as a Darwin Award winner. With any luck, maybe he will be sterile.

Professional Sports are pointless

The older I get, the less interested I am in any sort of professional sport. I was an avid baseball fan, but became disillusioned/disgusted with MLB when they screwed over the Montreal Expos in 1996 (when the season, and World Series, was canceled). Couple that with the bizarre league finances (the BENCH of the NY Yankees is more than the total payroll of many other teams), and why would anyone whose team has no hope of winning bother to watch?

The NBA is pathetic and dull. NFL football is filled with criminals..and I swear, if I see one more jiggy-dance in the end zone after a touchdown, I think I will throw something through my TV screen. Hockey is just tiring to watch in the regular season...wake me when the playoffs start.

Professional athletes are vastly overpaid, and I think society has to realize that idolizing these clowns is ridiculous. They play a game. That's it. A policeman, firefighter, or a teacher should make more than some semi-literate knob who gets millions simply because he can catch a football.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Men and women

Venomous Kate, over at Electric Venom, recently wrote a post entitled "If You Could Read My Mind..." in which she asked if you really would want to be able to read someone's mind. I responded:

Are you kidding? Every married man is expected to already have this ability! The expectation that we do would explain SOOOO much. I would love to be able to read the minds of women. No more guessing, no more confusion. Peace on Earth!

To which she took exception:
I object. I assure you that I am QUITE vocal about what I want, how I want it done, when I want it, and how freaking happy my husband should be whilst doing whatever it is that I want.

Do I get credit for not expecting him to read my mind? Do I get points for actually using Mr. Lips and Mr. Tongue to tell him what I want?

Hell no. I get called a “nag”.


Someone once sent me a list of "rules" for women, from men. I though it apropos (NOTE: The following opinions are not necessarily those of management, and besides, they are meant to be humorous.)


  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about you
    leaving it down.
  2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find
    the perfect present yet again!
  3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
  4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
  5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
  6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  7. Crying is blackmail.
  8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
  1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
  2. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  3. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  4. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  5. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  6. Check your oil! Please.
  7. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  8. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  9. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
  10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
  11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
  15. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
  16. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  18. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
  19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, baseball, the shotgun formation, golf, or monster trucks.
  23. You have enough clothes.
  24. You have too many shoes.
  25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
  26. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
  27. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
  28. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
  29. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.




Here it is, ladies:
the secret to a happy marriage and getting your husband to do what
you want.
[drumroll…]



Ask him.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My experiences with the Great Unwashed

I have for years avoided events like the "Ottawa Super Ex" simply because I can not stand being that close to the Great Unwashed that seem to crawl out of whatever substandard housing they were living under in order to infest dusty social gatherings like local fairs and exhibitions. This past Saturday I attended an event I attend every year with my children and their mother...the Gatineau Balloon Festival. Each year it gets busier and busier, which, believe me, is not a good thing....for there they were, the masses I so wanted to avoid.

They look dirty and unhealthy, they dress dirty...women walking through gravel and dirt fairgrounds wearing some cheap-ass high heel shoes they must have bought at a hooker's garage sale. Cigarettes dangling out of their mouths as they attend to their poor children. Teenaged boys, white, dressed like something out of a Walmart's version of a rapper; hat turned sideways, pants hanging down below their butt cracks, wearing fleece skater's hoodies even though it is boiling out, little faux moustache, and, of course, the ever present deathstick. Teenaged girls, stomachs bared, showing off their white trash tramp stamps, and, of course, the ever present deathstick. You might wonder if their parents are less than proud at the spawn they have produced. Then you see their parents, and wonder at the state of the human race.

IQs are dropping, as the Great Unwashed breed unchecked and unleash their progeny upon a slowly declining world population. Idiots who would not have seen sexual maturity even a hundred years ago because they would have ended up dead through their own misfortune are now protected by the nanny state, and kept alive, in this country and many others around the world at least, through universal healthcare. Morons who can not find any viable means of support now have their lives paid for by taxpayers through welfare and employment programs. You want to know why dealing with the government is so painful, you need not look any further than the masses of unwashed who populate many bureaucracies.

I am not referring to rednecks or hillbillies. Those people have become self-sufficient in a lot of ways. They are able to do a lot of things that even more educated people cannot: tear down and rebuild an engine, hunt, skin an animal. Come the apocalypse, they will survive. No, the Great Unwashed to which I am referring are the white trash living in motor homes, subsisting on McDonald's and the public dole. Who's worth can only be measured by how better the world would be WITHOUT them in it. The lazy and shiftless members of minority classes whose lives seem to revolve on how to avoid work, and how it is the MAN'S fault they have nothing.

These are the people I would love to avoid for the rest of my life.